It’s official… I have moved! Well, electronically. I have moved my blog to http://dancinginhisreign.blogspot.com. It’s nothing personal! and I thank WordPress for getting me started in the blogging world. But I was able to find some free blog templates and designs that I liked that just weren’t compatible with wordpress.
Look me up and please continue to follow me on this journey…. ”Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path…”
I LOVE music. I know I have expressed this before,but I really do. If I could sing, I would put my thoughts to music rather than just writing them down. That said, it’s new tunes Thursday for me. (I used to have New Tunes Tuesday, but I was at work, and was busy… and today. I’m home sick.) I’ve budgeted $15 so that I can download just enough new sounds to motivate me.
I’ve had the song from the cell phone commercial in my head lately. It’s originally by Landon Pigg, but a girl sings it on the commercial… “I think that possibly, maybe I’m falling for you…” I love it… simple tune, meaning yet common lyrics. This is my kind of deal. (if the boy next door knew I was so into this song, he’d of course assume it was about him and get all cocky. so we just won’t tell him that it is b/c of him)
The new additions to the playlist today were:
I’m not an overly intelligent person. Far from it in fact. nor am I witty. or cute.or even charming. To be honest, I’m shy, sleepy and hyper (yes both at the same time), insecure and stubborn. I don’t like to show too much emotion, because it lets people in. And no offense, I just don’t want it to get too crowded in there. This makes me difficult to understand. I believe that those who belong in my heart will be there (even if it takes a little work).
I had a conversation with the boy next door today about how some people break a child’s spirit and they never become fully the person they’re supposed to be because they were held back and held so tightly to rules and expectations. I don’t think I’m one of those kids. I am exactly today, who God made me to be. Independent. Spunky. Passionate. Intuitive. I think I was meant to be an artist of some kind- I’m just not sure how as I have absolutely NO artistic talents. But that love of matching, and creating, and seeing something come together… it’s in me. Deep. Maybe that’s why I love meeting new people. It’s the art of relationship building. (ha)
I write this to share that I am FULLY CONVINCED that God wants you to know who you are. It’s been heavy on my heart lately. So many people just stumbling through trying to figure out what’s next, because they don’t know WHO THEY ARE. So it revolves around what they’re doing. I don’t mean God wants you to know that you were meant to be an astronaut, cowboy, or doctor. But that He desires for us to be complete in our identity in Him and the quirky, ridiculous, obsessive compulsive, emotional child of His.
“I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well.” (Psalm139:14)
It’s been a while since I’ve felt like I had something to say… there’s been a lot going on, and even more on my mind. I have a new ‘beau’ in my world, which was completely unexpected. I laugh about it some (ok, quite a bit) because we’ve known each other for so long, but had life not taken the turns it has, we never would’ve come together.I don’t think. He was my neighbor when we were 5 years old. Of course I remember this- he does not. Boys and their brains, I’ll never understand. But that’s not the only thing going on…during the past few weeks, God has been showing me things I need to work on. A lot of things.
The boy next door and I (this will be his nickname since I like to keep things private) were talking about goals, just in general. I want to do this, I want to work here, I want to obtain this. But most importantly, spiritual goals. I want to be this kind of person for God. So I have been feeling re-convicted of this desire to grow, and be better for God. I think I’ve had a hard time with it lately. The boy next door is pretty amazing… and I’m not really sure what it is he sees in me. And I’ve had a little “situation” to deal with, that I’ve been complimented in how I dealt with it; and I’m pretty sure they are just confused because I don’t know that I’ve handled it well at all. All that said… I’m trying. I’m constantly working and striving to be a better woman of God. I know I’m not there yet. And I don’t think I deserve the boy next door. But hey- maybe he’ll stick around long enough to see me be even better.
These are the verses, the characteristics that I am working towards, thinking on, praying on, and meditating on daily. Seeking Him, and His will, and His desire for my my heart:
Proverbs 31:12 – She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:17 – She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. Proverbs 31:20 – She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. Proverbs 31:25 – She is clothed with strenggth and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise and she gives instruction with kindness. Proverbs 31:30 – Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. 1 Pet 3:2 – A pure reverent life will speak without words. 1 Pet 3:4 – The unfading beauty of a gentle quiet spirit
It’s been raining here for 2 weeks… and as much as I love the rain- I am ready for some sunshine!!! However, the setting has been totally appropriate for my mood. I’ve been overcast, cloudy with thunderstorms, brewing and with outbreaks of pouring rain. Just like every day outside. But I’ve still found things to enjoy… I’ve smiled, laughed, made new friends, played in puddles and made memories with my dearest friends. J and I officially ended our relationship a few weeks ago. And it has been hard. Micah was murdered. And it has been hard. I have a deadline at work that I’m not sure I’ll make. And it is hard. But despite all of this, God has given me strength, has opened a window so I can feel His breeze, and opened my eyes to see how awesome the lightening is during this storm. I miss Knoxville, and haven’t kept in touch with my friends very well, but I have been blessed to communicate with some friends lately. And I love them. And I do love life.
My life is full of so many ups and downs right now. Good times, hard times, bad times and just every day life (which I’m not always a huge fan of). I can’t help but think of the lyrics to Matt Redman’s song “Blessed be Your Name”. The words fit so perfectly, and are so full of truth. If I could figure out how to attach a song to this, I would… but I haven’t advanced that much in my blogging skills. So here are there lyrics… please read them, look up the song. And KNOW that in every aspect of life- blessed be HIS NAME! For He is great, He is good, and He is AMAZING.
Sorry to ramble… but I realize I haven’t written in a while and wanted to. But all of my creative energy seems to be going into this work project. Enjoy Redman… original thoughts to come soon.
Blessed Be Your Name In the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow Blessed be Your name Blessed Be Your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed Be Your name Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name Blessed be Your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be' Blessed be Your name Blessed be Your name On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be Your name Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name You give and take away You give and take away My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name
Today, we celebrate life. Life in Christ- VICTORY in Jesus! His saving Grace. And a beautiful life that was lived for Him… though too short on this Earth, we know she is dancing with Him in Heaven. And finally! the sun is shining in Searcy again!
This prayer I’m posting was in the book I mentioned in my last post. It expressed my thoughts and feelings so clearly for life in general. Hope you enjoy.
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me
Nor do I really know myself,
And the fact that I think I am following Your will
Does not mean that I am actually doing so!
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this,
You will lead me by the right road
Though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust you always,
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with with me,
And You will never leave me to face my struggles alone.
Thomas Merton (1915-1968)
That’s the title for Chapter 8 of the book I just finished reading… and possibly a chapter that has helped shape a perspective that was already changing, but has a much more concrete feel to it now. The book is Understanding God’s Will: How to Hack the Equation Without Formulas. I’m not sure what it was about this book that compelled me to pull it off the shelf … but I did.
To me… the idea of God’s will for my life has always been this PATH this specific way of doing things, that I can get wrong and will spend the rest of my lifetime making choices that will still only add up to a 2nd best version of what He had planned. And though this seemed so absurd and not at all like the loving gracious God I serve. But when I read this chapter… it helped clear up the fuzziness I was feeling.
The chapter is talking about the metaphor of God as our Father. and what the role looks like. Here’s the scene: a son is in his first semester of college, and calls home, asks his dad “what is your will for my major in college?” dad says…” son, I have raised you to this point in your life so that you can make that decision.” the son says, “yes but I want to do YOUR will, not my own. just tell me” dad says “son, I’ll be happy to help you think through this, and can help you eliminate some options. But this decision is yours.”
The will of the dad was for his son to make the decision. There is clear indication of the history of the relationship, and it’s evident the father has been involved in the son’s life, and the son values his father’s opion. His will is for us to make the difficult decisions-valuing what He values, loving who and what He loves, seeking out His truths as our resources for making those decisions. Quoting the author, Kyle Lake, he says in response to the question “why would God want such a thing [for us to make our own difficult decisions]: “Because it’s in the process of making difficult decisions in life that our faith journeys seem to accelerate! It’s in the decision-making process itself that we learn to take responsibility for ourselves and experience the growth and maturity that’s in store.”… and to the continue with the author’s point, he resonates throughout the whole book- the primary goal of our livesis centered in becoming a whole-life learner of Christ.
I’m not sure that I have done a very good job of explaining this thought process… (I highly recommend the book to anyone. He is a good writer and entertaining) ..I will admit, my heart and mind are ON this thought, but not fully focused. Again, my heart is broken and hurting for the Rine family-immediate and extended. I have no concept of what they are feeling other than HURT. Pain. Brokenness. Aching.Questions. Many many prayers are being sent up on their behalfs. It blows my mind… to trust, love, honor, and plan your life with someone, and this is how that life ends. God help us all.
Today I have had a roller coaster of emotions…
It started with news first thing this morning that a sweet girl I have known for many years (though never close friends with I admit) was missing. She had gone for a run at 8 pm the night before, and never returned to her Bartlett, TN home.
Now… it seems she has been murdered… not by some random stranger. But by her husband. A man she loved, trusted, and had spent a number of years sharing her life with.
I am baffled and broken for the entire Rine family, as well as the Pate family. They are both hurt and broken by this horrible trajedy.
Micah Rine Pate- you were loved and will be sorely missed in this world. I know you are with Our Father now. And He is holding you close.
I love the rain. I really do. Now, to be honest, I was slightly annoyed at it this morning when I got ready to get out of my car and realized that both my raincoat and rainboots were in my office. But overall, I love the rain and I love a good thunderstorm. There’s something magical and romantic about it. Not like, lovey dovey romantic,but a romantic mood about it. A romance between myself and my Jesus. He knows that as much as I love the sunshine too (and I do love the sunshine!) I need a rainy day here and there to somber me, and slow me down, and to saturate me. (literally and figuratively)
I have this memory, and parts of it are so very vague…but the important parts stick out clear as day. It was the beginning (or maybe end) of a semester at Harding,and my good friend Christy was with me. We had walked across campus to the bookstore to either sell or buy textbooks, and campus was DEAD. We may as well have been the only people on campus for all I know and remember. But what I DO remember was that when we left the bookstore it was POURING rain. Cats and Dogs style rain. We started to run across campus. And then at some point, not too far into the run, we gave up and just enjoyed ourselves. I recall laughing and laughing. Spinning in circles the way you do as a little kid trying to make yourself dizzy. We just truly enjoyed being drenched in the coolness of the rain.
It’s this feeling that prompts my blog name. The feeling of being dizzy and full of joy and enraptured with the idea of being in His Reign. His ways, His path, His will. Delighting myself in all of this. Not to get what I want (as some interpret the verse) but because I truly desire for my heart and mind to be in cahoots with His will.
I’ve had a lot of rain lately. Not the outside cool wet kind. The life kind- where things are just hard. And frustrating. And taking God’s way is not the easy way.Being a grown up is hard. Bills to pay- and a lot of them. Where to live. Who to live with. How much to pay. Do I take a second job? That’s probably why I haven’t been writing as much. I haven’t had much to write about that is fun or insightful or lighthearted, and not entertaining at all. Although I did lock my keys in my car the other day. Further confirming for you that I AM that person in your life. Last time I did this, I had a friend’s wedding flowers in the car. Fortunately, most of them were out before I locked the doors.
So,now as I look out at the rain (well, I imagine the rain. my tiny corner office doesn’t have a window) I think how blessed I am. Because although I have a lot of stress in this life, I have His Reign and grace pouring all over me. And I think today- I may just go dance in the rain.
P.S. thanks to everyone who came to my “thirty-one” party last night! it was a huge success! I still have catalogs and order forms, and not closing the party until Wednesday evening if anyone still wants to buy! =)
So, J and I are on a break. I think it’s probably for the best right now, though it goes down as one of the most trying things for me. Mostly because the independent “I don’t need you” girl in me says forget it (even though I don’t WANT to lose J, I just don’t want to be hurt again); but through much prayer, God is telling me to put that girl away and let Him work the story. That said, I’ve been thinking a lot about love, and life, and mistakes and my past and how much it affects me and who I am. As well as God’s love, and His forgiveness, and mercy to those who have wronged Him. I hope my thoughts make sense today, because in my head this is a great connection. I just pray that He will guide these words that they are clear for you.
My favorite thing to do is take the 1 Corinthians verses on Love.But fill in God in place of the word Love- it defines God and Love defines God. “God is patient, God is kind and is not jealous; God does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; He does not seek His own, is not provoked, He does not take into account a wrong suffered, and does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth: God bears all things, believes all thins, hopes all things and endures all things. God never fails.”
With this love, He is PURSUING me. He is CHASING me. HE WANTS ME. with everything and everyone on His mind- He makes time to love me, everyday. Despite my past, my mistakes, my fears, my insecurities. He wants me. TJ McCloud (was part of Stephen Speaks if you know that group) has a song called “At last my past”. If you look online, you get a very “pop”-like version that I’m not a fan of. Somehow I managed to wind up with an acoustic cut that is amazing. Either way though, the words are the same, and moving. “What I wish that I’d done, keeps me trying to run. I can’t shake my shadow for the life of me.But He, He promised me. A day would come. That I wouldn’t have to run anymore. And freedom is free, from the One that doesn’t keep score. At last my past can’t run as fast as the One who’s chasing me. And He swears that He just doesn’t care cause He died so I could be made free. It’s amazing and it’s true! The One who’s CHASING me is chasing you too!”
If I remember when I’m home next I’ll find the full text of the lyrics and post them. They’re in an old journal, and you can’t find them online (or at least I can’t). The point is the same though, He is relentlessly pursuing you and me and everyone. All who are burdened, stressed, unsure of what life holds, needing love, wanting love, or running from it. He’s chasing. And I am so glad He is.
